back from norway

i came home from norway yesterday. i am actually quite good at skiing. i allowed myself to eat unhealthy. it was dumb, i know. but if i didnt the others would start to Wonder. well, now that i am back i can purge Again. and the bruises it causes has healed on my hand so it wont be a problem.
in two weeks i think, i will dye my hair. i will dye it a hazelnut-like color. and after that, maybe a lighter shade of blonde than my natural haircolor.. i never use permanent haircolor. only once.
for  the first and the last time. EVER.

i did some workouts this morning. and i will hopefully go for a walk later to burn of some more calories. i will also make a Little bit of workout tonight.
 and guess what i will also do today?
LOOK AT A LOT OF THIN SPO

purging blood

i have been purging a lot the past few days. and blood was mixed into my vomit. i dont really know if i have to worry or not..? well i think i will just wait and see if i gets worse.
i lost almost lost 1 kg yesterday. so thats nice (: i havent eaten any chocolate or crisps either so thats also quite nice d: i should weigh 55-56 kg when i come back from norway NeXT week.
i have been busy with reading and writing. i need to run 2 a week and just once. i am just lazy ):

live a life without chocolate,challenge

i am starting a new challenge.

thats right. no more chocolate.
a quote says a life without chocolate is not a life at all. that might be true. i am a desperate chocolate lover and has always been. which Means that its mainly also because of chocolate i dont lose as much weight as i would like.
but not anymore! i intend to live a chocolate/cocoa free life now! just because i can eat it, doesnt it mean i should. i will avoid it, as if i were allergic.

 i made a bet with a friend of mine. so now i have to stay vegetarian for 4 months. if not i Owe her a pack of cigarettes. but if i can do it, she Owes me one. i know i can do it. why i am so sure? meat doesnt look tempting. it doesnt smell tempting. not like chocolate. and i never ever put meat on my bread. i always eat my bread pure. no butter no nothing. but as i still live home, i have a slight problem. my dad. he wont like it. i am actually sure he would go as far, as to force me to eat meat. i will just throw it up if it happens. will it then still Count?
i dont want to lose. i know i can do it.

well, if i manage not to eat chocolate for 1 month, then i will give up crisps for good as well. crisps are bad for you. for your skin and your weightloss. just like chocolate. BUT chocolate do have Health benefits! at least dark chocolate has.


i will go exercising in a min. or two.


i dont want to let my dreams, stay dreams. i want to make them real.

beauty-weightloss tips/ motivation

remember, its FAT you want to lose, not musclemass! muscles burn calories. which Means the more musclemass you have, the more calories you will burn! and when you no longer have any fat, your muscles will slowly shrink. so dont worry about your muscles. they are your friends. just like exercise.

and even the smallest Things can do the biggest changes. so cut out alcohol and sugar! if you drink tea, get used to drink it like it is. dont add anything to it. and alcohol slows Down your metabolism. eat cellery. eat apples. they are sooo good for you. they are so hard to digest, that you burn more calories in the process than what they contain (:
and instead of using butter when cooking, use coconut oil. its also great for skin and hair. every evening i put it on my skin. rub it gently in and then washes it GENTLY of with a towel.( before you do that, put luke warm Water on it) it will make your skin soft (:

if you want whiter teeth, you can put a teaspoonful of baking soda in a bowl, add a few drops of lemon until it gets a pasty texture. the lemon and baking soda will react on each other, so wait until the bubbles are gone. then put it on your toothbrush, brush your teeth with it. let it sit for 3 min. and then wash your mouth. do it once a week. it tastes awful, but it really helps (:

 because you do want to become skinny, dont you?
if you feel like eating a snack, eat ricecrackers. they havent made me put on weight yet.
if you are really hungry, drink some Water. a lot of Water. before the meal, during and after. it will make you feel full. aaaand Water is also great for your skin (; i would avoid bubblegum. it always makes my stomcah growl ): but its nice if you want to burn some extra calories. you could also jiggle your legs while you sit. so you dont stop moving.
oh yes, if you are a bread-lover like me, then i have bad news... too much bread isnt good for you.  . i put on 3 kg just buy eating a bit more White bread than usual. and when i stopped, i lost weight. so... no more toast. or at least just try to eat the half of what you are used to, as a start.

if you dont eat much, then only eat where other people can see it. if they see you eat, they wont become suspicious. dont eat in secrecy.


its time to become

YES!

seems like all the exercise paid off! lost 400g! and i even ate quite a lot! couldnt be happier (: i have almost reached my gw1! today i will exercise a lot too. i have planned a lot of bicycling. i hope they serve rice or potatoes at lunch. why? because i dont eat them. not when i can avoid it. which Means that i will only have Salad Again. can barely wait. i am gonna show all the people that think i cant do anything right. i am not as useless as they think i am.
i have to be skinny before the summer starts. i NEED that bikini body. and i can do it.



stay strong. stay determined <3

Stuck

seems like i have hit a plateu. i have stayed at the same weight, the EXACTLY same weight, the Whole week. no matter how much i exercised or ate. i have done yoga, i went running, i ate less, i ate a bit more. but nothing changed. i have about 3 hours of exercise today ( its on my school Schedule. crazy, right?) so hopefully that will Work. if not, i dont know what to do.

i have a problem with chocolate. i find myself looking at chocolate cake recipes and chocolate mousse recipes all the time. i cant stop. it looks so delicious and its even easy to make it. when i am hungry and feel tempted to eat of the resfreshments, i always say to myself "out of sight, out of mind" which is true. if i dont see the food, i wont be so tempted to eat it. its just difficult closing your eyes while looking at delicious recipes ):
i usually have a cracker and a cup of coffee for breakfast. but then my teacher told me ti put something on my cracker. butter or jam or something. i refuse to eat butter. well it was first later i thought of cutting a slice of cheese. if i had done that i could take the cheese of Again when he wasnt looking... yes they are aware of what i eat.its so annoying. they have talked to my sis about it, and asked the ones i share table with to keep an eye on me! how silly.

this morning i ate two spoonfuls of oatmeal. i didnt know it was so satisfying! i actually dont like the taste of it, but i have read its good for losing weight and your hair.

musical week

this week has been the worst in this school year. we are having a musical week. i am on the decorating team. which Means i had to decorate the school. but also clean up. last thursday i sat and did nothing for 3 hours because my teacher wouldnt let me go. i had nothing to do. when he finally let me go i laid in my bed. for another 3 hours. doing nothing. waiting for my sister so we could Watch a movie. she is on the media team. yesterday parents came to see the play. it hurt to so much to see how much they love their children. how proud of them they were. my parents never look at me that way and never have.
i am slowly losing respect for life. homicide is suddenly not a forbidden thought anymore. and i cant stop thinking of how to kill myself. i have planned to built up a stash of painkillers. i want to scratch my self. my face, my neck my stomach. the urge is so strong.
a friend of mine said we could smoke weed together in the up coming holiday. she will see to if she can get some ecstasy for us as well. excited? VERY MUCH. i have lost a bit of weight so thats good. my teachers have talked to my sis about me. they dont think i eat enough. i am just not hungry at the meals. i cant eat anything. feels like i am too tired somehow. they have also asked her about if i still cut. i know she will lie about it. she will cover up for me. so yeah. this week i have basically lived of chips but i still lost weight hah. i think i will go for a walk. i need some fresh air. and the snow is finally gone.
all i have had this far is a cup of coffee and a cracker (: very hungry but thats alright.